Graffiti on My Heart
Photo by Paolo Nicolello
I don’t want to look…but I know I need to. Healing makes it a necessity.
Over the past couple weeks, I’ve discovered things on my heart that I wish were not there, things that I don’t want to see. It’s easier to not look at them, but not looking at them does not make them go away.
I recently went on a walk in one of the Denver city art districts. This area is known for its graffiti. Graffiti is a very powerful form of artistic expression despite its often negative connotations. During my year of service with Christ in the City, I learned something about graffiti that I will always remember: It is a form of communication, and it is often a cry from the heart. What seemed unjust and tragic to me was learning how many times this cry is disregarded or even covered up.
Graffiti has become a symbol to me, analogous to the parts of myself that I don’t want to see. It’s hard to look at graffiti, at least for me it is. I don’t find the images particularly beautiful, but perhaps it’s good that they aren’t. Beauty is not what they’re always meant to communicate. The kind of graffiti I’m talking about is not. It is communicating a hurt, a misunderstanding, an injustice. If they were beautiful, they would not be doing their job.
Our reactions to what seem unsightly are important to pay attention to because these reactions can make a difference. Do we cover up the cry of our hearts like painting over graffiti or do we take a closer look to try to reach a remedy? When we find our thoughts and actions “acting out” in unruly ways, do we put our hands over the mouths of our crying hearts to muffle the noise so we won’t have to deal with it? Because it is too painful to see or too difficult to surmount?
Maybe that area that cries out is an area where we have been victims to an injustice. Or maybe the parts of our hearts that are crying out are places that are wounded by sin. Two times in the past week I heard about how if we look at the areas where we have sinned we will find an unmet desire or need. Our hearts are crying out there. We have to take a step back and ask ourselves what the unfilled need is in that place. We have to put aside our judgments, even of ourselves, to be able to go into that place. If we hold onto our judgments, we will not have the courage to enter into where we most need to go.
This was true for the people of Jesus’ time, too. Jesus was a man Who walked right into the chaos; He went where it was ugly, where the brokenness seemed to reign and where things were not perfect…and people accused Him for it. The gospel of Mark tells us:
“While he was at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners sat with Jesus and his disciples…Some scribes who were Pharisees saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors and said to his disciples, ‘Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?’ Jesus heard this and said to them, ‘Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners” (Mark 2:15-17).
When we come to encounter the graffiti on our hearts, our natural response is to turn away…but what if we were to look? Not with judgment but with curiosity aimed at understanding. The graffiti on our hearts does not define us but it does tell us something about our unmet needs that the Divine Physician wants to fill.
Whether you find it hard to go to the places of your own heart that seem unclean or you struggle to approach others in their own brokenness, Jesus was and is a Man Who goes to those places. He will meet you there in your own heart. It’s not a place He will just casually go to because you decide to go there, but it’s a place He actively desires to go. He knocks on your door to dine with you there, right there in that place that you find offensive, or even shameful. He is there extending His Hands to you to walk with Him into the brokenness of others so as to be an agent of healing.
Let’s not cover up our graffiti or simply pass a blind eye to it. Let’s trace our fingers over the paint to find out where it came from. Let’s open up in the places that are darkest to find that the Light is waiting and ready to come in.
Scripture for Reflection:
Mark 2:15-17
“Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.” (Ephesians 5:11-13)
“He said to them, ‘Is a lamp brought in to be placed under a bushel basket or under a bed, and not to be placed on a lampstand? For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light.” (Mark 4:21-22)
Song for Reflection:
